Lately, I feel as if
Above my head,
Twisting my hopes
Cannibalizing my thoughts
Until I feel vertigo and gloom.
It’s like I’m not in control,
Like what’s haunting me isn’t real,
But it is. Like an instinct.
Like a raw, untethered power
With little conscience,
And less soul.
Like a frigid night
Full of translucent stars.
Some days, it’s worse.
Like my bones are chewed,
Like the marrow’s turned to lead,
Like they pull me down into the urchins
Who’ll splinter their arms
Pierce my spine
And puncture my lungs.
The feeling makes every sun warmer,
Until my eyes burn and my cheeks
Are torn like rocks carved in magma.
I’ll look anywhere,
For anything besides this wet fear.
In the darkest of nights I’ll pray,
Begging even the stars
As if they whisper up there like gods.
This poem was featured in my new, upcoming poetry book, “Blood As My Ink”, which you can read more of for free here!